You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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