saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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