I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
