Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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