We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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