My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
