you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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