.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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