You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
