i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
