Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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