When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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