OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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