then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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