so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
