you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
