Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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