Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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