just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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