Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
