He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
