Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
