i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
