Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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