Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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