why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
