Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
