I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
