At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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