i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
