you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
