Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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