Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
