we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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