I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
