I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
