im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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