Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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