Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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