how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
