I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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