Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
