If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
