i think my mom watched the whole time
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
