Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
