Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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