I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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