Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
