I should be sponsored by Trojan
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
