I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
